Every year I think that carving pumpkins is going to be so much fun. I get all excited, buy the pumpkins, pick out designs and have this image of all of us sitting around the table having Norman Rockwell circa 1980's pumpkin carving time.
yeah.right.
1) The 'safe' pumpkin carving utensils will be used effectively as weapons
2) Those huge pumpkins that were just perfect in the store weigh 542 lbs and I am the one to lift them
3) Which means I'm also the one to scrape all of the guts out because nobody wants that craptastic job
4) And that leads to a sore shoulder
5) One child will undoubtedly try to eat pumpkin guts
6) The other child will try to throw it
7) There will be tears of "It's just not right"
8) Isaiah's pumpkin looks like a goofy dude that was stabbed to death because he acquired the 'safe' carving utensils
9) While trying to 'help' Isaiah cut out his pumpkin, somehow I ended up with a busted lip
10) After an hour and a half I need a glass of wine and a side of xanax please.
Because it never goes the way I think it should. The kids lose interest and I'm left carving out pumpkin guts. I put a cat on a pumpkin only to have Noah come out and gripe that I was lame because I didn't do the pirate.
Really?
You freaking carve that intricate awesomely cool design after scraping out 287 lbs of pumpkin guts and 987 pumpkin seeds. You go right ahead buddy. I picked the easy one for a reason.
I think I'm going to add pumpkin carving to the list that childbirth is in. Because they both suck...you know its going to suck...but the end result much greater than the suckage you have to go through. The memories fade, the next year rolls around and you are ready to do it again because the kids think it is awesome.
And they think you are even more awesome for doing it for them.
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